Painting Another Lobster
Cute dodgeball team pic, lots of cats and a peek at my art process.
Hello Pals!
If you or someone you know was recently afflicted by influenza of any variety, you may be entitled to crying me a river. I’ll float that salty stream all the way to DollyWood, because how are hourly workers with an annual allotment of two paid sick days supposed to make a livin’? Please pour me a cup of ambition to wash down this dose of Tamiflu. Better make it a double!
After much internal conflict, I continued to take today (Thursday) off from my day job. I’m tired of being poor, so I trade in one $150 shift for a few hours of attention focused on moving the needle forward on my solo, entrepreneurial journey each week. My gut believes in Fiona, the business woman. The working artist. The balloon queen with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of experience.
You might ask, “Why can’t you just hustle before/after work like everyone else?”
Because of the damn trauma! Burn out calls to me like an alley cat on the roof. She wants to sink her claws into my self belief. Rip her to shreds.
Did I tell you about the life altering book I’m reading???
It’s called Not The Price of Admission: Healthy Relationships After Childhood Trauma. My highlighter and I go hard. I wish it existed in audiobook form, so I can listen while painting/cleaning/making t-shirts at work. Under the guise of being the best person I can be in a relationship, this book is secretly healing all sorts of wounds caused by 27 years with my Cluster-B Personality, Factitious Disordered, evil mother. I highly recommend it and plan on doing a series of highlight from the chapters as I read. Does that sound good? Let me know in the comments!
I had the flu two weeks ago (Thursday was spent napping, fighting a fever and eating an much soup as humanly possible) and last week I tried so hard to give you a list of “Toxic Relationships Masquerading as Love Songs.” But the day got late and I need to keep my main priories: sleeping, eating. My girlfriend and I brainstormed ideas until 11:30pm, at which point she inquired if this needed to be complete tonight. It did not, but I also felt I’d let myself down by not sending the newsletter.
Thankfully, I’ve learned to be nice to myself. Like, reallllly really nice. As soon as I notice judging myself or going to war in my head (as I did when sick and had a difficult time justifying all the rest I needed, so I assembled a five foot cat tree with over 66 pieces on day two of Tamiflu, followed by a full cleaning and re-organizing of the my new bedroom for the final coats of paint (yet) to be applied), I take some deep breaths or put on a meditation.
Cost Effective Meditation App
For all us budget babes, the monthly subscription of a meditation app can feel a little much. For some reason it’s been easier for me to justify spending on…. well, anything over my mental health. Headspace was my favorite app. There are so many amazing features, and the sleep stories knocked me out like a light. I started using it in late 2010s, on and off subscription. Just like every other monthly fee, the prices continued to rise. Headspace free is pretty lame… Then, I read (on Reddit) about a free YEAR trial of another meditation app: Balance. The switch was thoughtless- an entire 365 days of free meditation is a no-brainer. Thought the catalog is much smaller, it was nice to have fewer options. ADHD equals analysis paralysis and too much time spent figuring out what show/movie/podcast to consume. Since downloading Balance in August 2023, I have “trained” 34 hours and 5 minutes! As we are speaking now, I discovered an entire log of my session history. It would be fun to correlate the changes I made while listening to certain sessions.
My favorite part of the app is how it adjust the speaker to your listening preferences. Some soothing lady speaks all of my meditations. Leah. I love Leah. In Headspace, I couldn’t listen to all of the meditations, because I often found myself annoyed with the voice.
If you want to try meditation and have been too overwhelmed by massive catalogs in apps like Calm ($14.99/month), Headspace ($12.99/month), or the monthly subscription fees are holding you back: enter Balance. Unfortunately there is not a one-year-free deal right now, but you can try thirty days.
To get you started, here are My Favorite Listens:
Midday Rest (these 5 minutes hit hard when I’m on my 30-minute lunch break and don’t have time for a nap)
Nap (available in 15 minutes to 3 hours- the 15 min is a godsend when I need to fully reset on my lunch break, the 45 minute option come in handy when it’s almost time for another activity, like Dodgeball, but I’m all wound up from my day)
Sick Day (this actually helped me accept sickness, rest, and recovery)
Up At Night (number one pick for falling asleep fast)
Anxiety (lay down with the bad boy for 15 minutes and emerge refreshed, breathing, balanced)
Embrace Change 10 Day Plan (I’m only on day 7 after starting a few moths ago, but it’s helped so much with my mindset around accepting things that are beyond my control and taking control of the things in my power. It’s a key player in the moves I’m making to become self-employed again.)
Confidence 10 Day Plan (who knew doing a power pose while laying down could be so effective?!)
Facing Fear 10 Day Plan (the first full plan I completed. It changed my life. I wouldn’t be writing you today without it, nor would I have made such strides in finding my queer community in Boston, making more friends than I can count in 2024 and finally dating women. I fearlessly pursued my current girlfriend and look at us now (you can’t 🫣 though I think she hard launched us on instagram in December) we’re grossly in love.)
This app offers personalization before many of the meditations. At first, I was like, “noooo - please, I JUST NEED TO LISTEN RIGHT NOW.” Then I realized how a tailored experience works better for me. Like general sickness, if different from my throat hurting and I appreciate Leah guiding me through based on my needs.
I’m not sponsored by Balance, though I’d love to be- in case you know someone with a hook up.
I’ve emailed the company, maybe they will share some sort of special code with me. Stay tuned!
Current Art Projects
Something wild, crazy, and extremely notable happened this week.
On Monday, after completing a super cure second birthday balloon order, I came home and…. *drumroll* …. PAINTED!!! Typically I crash after a balloon order of any size. This was a wonderful response from my body. We’re moving through the trauma, y’all!
Another lobster is in the works. This time I’m focusing on negative space and I incorporated calligraphy into the piece. It is very much not done, but I’ll show you anyway. I’ve put at least two hours into her every night this week.
Is it giving lesbian flag vibes??? I think yes.
Since I work at a t-shirt and promotional products company, I’m designing a shirt for my girlfriend. Originally a Valentine’s Day Gift, soon to be a regular ole’ gift.
I haven’t made something like this on my iPad and I’m not sure Procreate is even the best option, but we are treating this as a learning experience. One of Procreate’s biggest downfalls is a lack of key commands. And, why can I not select the background easily?! Even with sliding the strength of my selection tool, either too much or too little is selected. Even though I could make this extra quite in Illustrator, I’m still not going to pay the astronomical fees of adobe’s suite.
The t-shirt will be one of those 90s bootleg inspired designs. Inspiration:
Like all dog owners, my girlfriend is obsessed with her dog. After coyly asking for cutest pics of Maya, I got to work I’m using procreate on my iPad Pro. Below is a screen shot of the canvas and all my layers. Please keep in mind, this is early stages.
Do you enjoy seeing the behind the scenes of my art? Let me know in the comments!
It’s Thursday again, which means I want to write my newsletter and I FREAKING DID!
My plans for the rest of the day include a last minute pre-date drink with a dear friend and late night Dodgeball! Seriously, my games are at 8:30 and 9pm tonight. Woof. Thankfully the team pic is super cute *and* my eyes are open.
Aren’t we adorable?!
Until then, I’m working on the lobster. Maybe you’ll get to see some progress next week!
PS. I really cannot spell and that’s okay with me :) In an effort to keep moving forward, though I appreciate all the messages I get with spelling updates, I do not have the space to hold for these bits of information. One day, I’ll become a triple checker. LOVE YOU!