Heather’s Boyfriend

I’m not even fooling you!!

Last week I turned 31! Another post catching cobwebs in my drafts told you I dropped my subscription price to $31 in hornor of this great achievement. Want to give me a little birthday prezzie?

For the entire month of April you can purchase a discounted annual subscription to this substack! Support my writing and help me buy my girlfriend dinner. Win win win!

About that birthday draft and my inability to effectively send these digital telegrams… What is my problem? Probably that I’ve not yet balanced my new job and new girlfriend. Yes, that’s right. I’ve sealed the damn deal and am officially Heather’s Boyfriend!

Being gay is the best. Never have I felt so comfortable with someone, let alone completely unclothed. The puzzle pieces finally fit together, and I have a hard time leaving her bed 🥵🥵🥵 But it’s not just gay sex, because talking, sharing and existing in the presence of a woman is magic. Every Taylor swift lyric I believe to be about Karlie Kloss or Dianna Agron perfect describes my life right now. Reputation is gay. If Comingoutlore never transpires in reality, I’m fine to share secret, stolen glances with Gaylor Swifties from the lesbian Tortured Poets Department listening party in a couple of weeks.

Today I write you from the table of a coffee shop, while munching on a gluten free breakfast sandwich. There’s Cabot Vermont cheddar in my purse. Most of their cheeses are “naturally lactose free.” Cabot is a highlight of moving to Massachusetts, among many of course.

I’m off to work now!

Thanks for reading 😘😘😘

Xo, Fiona